Inappropriate Bookmark

I opened the door to the apartment. Willy was sitting on the couch with his boots on the coffee table, reading "The Universe in a Nutshell." Kate and Angie were drinking whiskey and singing something in the next room, using fake English accents.
"Top of the mornin' to ya!" Willy said in an Irish accent.
"Why did you put your boots on the table?" I wasn't annoyed, just curious.
"Oh, the Irish twins decided to go on a cleaning spree. I didn't want to get the floor dirty." He wiggled his toes on the floor for emphasis.
"Oh, right. The twins are drinking already?"
"Yeah, it's Friday and they are working nights. They said they didn't want to waste good drinking time at work, so they wanted to drink half the whiskey before their shift, and the rest when they get back."
I nodded. It sounded like a good idea. I turned and swaggered towards the kitchen. "Yar, pour me a shot, fair wenches!" The only accent I could think of was "Pirate."
Willy looked up from his book. "Um, me too!" No accent. He rummaged around the table for a second, finally deciding to use a piece of sliced cheese as a bookmark. At least it was in the wrapper, and it wasn't nacho cheese, like the incident involving "A Brief History of Time."